It’s that time of year again and as I leisurely construct my final project of the semester (I’ve come to realize that I need to take the breaks when they come and not when I think I want them – also, I love this project.) I realize it might be time to think back on it. I rarely post personally on this blog, it’s all about the films, the work, the ideas and not much about me – though I do not doubt a pretty epic picture of me could be painted through some of these entries.
I take the beginning of a new year pretty seriously, I think of it as a time to start over, to rethink things and to not worry about my mistakes but embrace a space to make new mistakes. 2010 has been a crazy year.
This time last year, I had just finished my first semester at Georgetown, and now it’s just one semester until I’m finished. Graduate school was the best possible choice, in so many ways, I never want it to end. I feel really happy that my hunch about the right choice was, in fact, right and the future I think is unfolding is exactly the one I want. Despite the endless reminders from all angles that there’s no stability here, no promises of success, and that money exists – I can only do as well as I can write, I can only write as well as I can think, I’ve never felt better.
In recap – I went to a conference, it was a confidence boost – and I presented a paper on werewolves – not like my job, but actually why I was there. That was amazing. I started TA-ing – which makes me feel very purposeful. I started my thesis, it’s awesome. I am getting better at articulating it.
Things have been personally good – Nicole moved back to Washington, and every week knowing that she, Seana and I can spend time together is amazing. I never realized how much I missed them until we were all back like before. It’s one of the few things that makes me hesitant about moving away for MORE grad school. The long term relationship I never imagined having, learning a lot from that every day. Friends having children and loving spending time around them more than I even feel comfortable admitting. Losing weight consistently, and not making myself miserable over it. I made some amazing friends at Georgetown. I found a place I feel really and truly comfortable and people who are exciting, inspiring, intelligent, stubborn – they are stubbornly independent, chaotic, individual. Somehow all through 2010, I found myself surrounded by people who make me believe in myself and believe in them. It didn’t matter if we had a lot of time together, or just a bit, if they moved close or moved away – I feel so lucky to have these people – from acquaintances, friends, best friends, peers, teachers, family, and everyone else – I somehow managed to purge a lot of negativity from my life last year and this year blossomed as a result.
I fell over a lot in 2010, got some amazing bruises and better stories, got a lot of bags, a couple more tattoos, a lot more movies, a lot of great ideas for things to make and do, made some awesome stuff (wands! diaper bags! ruffled panties! plenty of earrings!), thought a lot of deep thoughts, read a lot of books, learned from experiences, people, mistakes, the internet and those books.
It was an awesome year. I’ve long known that if I can’t do anything else I can be brave about what little I can do.
I will be very brave in 2011.