The Ceasefire

Like probably millions of women (and men) all over world I am currently at war. I am at war with my body. We have been at war since I was a little girl. Since the very first time some other little girl told me I was too fat. If it’s not weight, it’s something else – there’s always something. Not to say I don’t love my body – we’re frenemies. But I couldn’t even tell you how many times I’ve thought that I would do anything to look different.

Today, however, we’re experiencing a ceasefire, because every once in a while I realize just how awesome it is. I realize that despite being bombarded with negative (at worst) and confusing (at best) messages from the media about my body every day – it’s mine and at the end of the day I am the only person who needs to make peace with it. While I am vividly aware of being a good distance from anyone’s ideal, I’m not unhappy with my body. There’s a lot of things I like.

What brought this (temporary – tomorrow we will return to arguements about calories, sunscreen, moisturizer, cellulite, and whether to lie away a couple inches of height.) ceasefire about was that today I started and finsihed making a pair of hand sewn hot pink and black stain ruffly panties. Now, why you ask, would I make my own panties, when even women such myself can buy delightful panties? Well, because I had an idea and it was one which said, you know what, fat stores and skinny stores and department stores and the internet – I no longer care what you say about me, and more so, what I should be wearing. I’ll make what I want and I’ll make something that makes me feel good, makes me feel sexy.

I don’t know exactly what I was thinking when I started this project, except that I have writer’s block and want something to do with my time that will make me feel productive (usually, when I feel this way I start making things – dresses, bags, and now…panties.) and that things like lingerie are among my favorite things. I like things like lace and ruffles, perfume and sparkly jewelry. I also like believing that we can control our own body image, and today I proved that to myself.